drowning inside
by lil-jem
Summary: she was just a 16 year old girl and felt like she had nothing when her mum died, then he came along...nelena stoy...rated T
1. welcome to my life

Hi my name Selena Gomez, and I wouldn't exactly call me life great, actually I wouldn't call I good I would most probably call it hell. You see I don't live I a perfect life where people would have a few bad things in their life and get over it oh no! Far from it.

See I don't live with a loving family. My mum died when I was 10 (but before she died she said I had a brother called zac 'great now I've got to search forever to find him!' , but the only Zac I know is Zac Efron and he's famous so its pretty much impossible for him to be me brother_.isn't it?)_and then my dad started to get drunk and hit me, blaming me for mums' death. Then my 'friends' started to find out and I told them not to tell anybody but they started to tell other people and word got out about it and I couldn't hid it anymore so soon enough the police found out. I'm just guessing it was the head teacher (principle) who told them and they found out were I lived and my dad got thrown into jail and me well I got shoved into a foster home. Which by the way was no different a foster family took me in and a social worker had to check up on me for a week and everything was going great. (Until the social working left…)

Every single memory of my dad hitting me and blaming me for everything came flooding back but worse the foster family I'm with also hit me if I don't clean the whole house a stupid time like I dunno in 2 hours something like that _stupid I know!_ I've lost the friends I had, _which I don't think were my friend in the first place, _I've started wishing I was dead and with my mum so I've started cutting myself (luckily the foster family don't know about that) I find it hard to trust anyone and I go to high school and I get called names and I never speak to anyone. (That's also where the trusting part comes in)but theres also another reason why i dont talk to anyone.

but, I like to be invisible though because that way no one would find out about the life I live. (I only started three days ago and I'm already the weirdo _ironic huh_?!)

Lets introduce my ''family'' (if that's what you want to call them)the twins (Taylor staub(Taylor swift) and Chelsea staub) if I could describe these two in two words they would be dumb blonds _literally!_

**a/n just in the story I love them in real life**

but they still know how to get me into trouble. Then there's Tracy and Ashton **a/n sorry I couldn't think of any celeb couples so I made up two names, **they make my life a living hell (even though its already like that) and now i feel like im DROWNING INSIDE...

* * *

*****Morning** ***

I suddenly woke up to a loud bang (my door swinging open)

Ashton: GET YOUR ASS UP NOW!!

Selena: ok ok I'm up

Ashton: Don't YOU DARE ANSWER BACK TO ME AGAIN!

Selena: why not your just going to hit me anyway (wrong move ...)

Ashton: (slaps her hard across the face, about to hit her again but Tracy called from downstairs for breakfast) THAT'S ALL YOU GET FOR NOW, BUT ANSWER BACK AGAIN AND YOUR DEAD, GOT THAT!

Selena: yes

Ashton: GOOD, now hurry up and go to school we don't want anyone finding out do we? (he says in a threatening tone)

Selena: no

Ashton: (smirks, and leaving without forgetting to slam the door behind him)

Selena: (under her breath) god, I hate him

*school, lunch *

I sat down where I usually sit (on my own in the corner where no one can notice me) would I like to have a friend, yes but one: I cant let anybody find out about me. Two: if anybody finds out i would be not only putting myself in serious danger but them too and three: I'm not aloud to because of those reasons(plus, taylor and Chelsea are like hawks they watch my every move and im not even aloud to be known as there foster sister _which by the way is the good part_.)

Then a boy with curly dark brown hair and brown sparkly eyes started to walk over to me. He looked sweet and nice but of course I cant say anything. (remember im not aloud a friend) he was now standing in front of me.

Selena: (under her breath, but quiet enough so no one can hear it.)oh crap.


	2. Nick

Drowning inside-episode 2-nick

**Selena ;* its ok selena just keep quiet and he'll go away then everything will be ok … I hope***

**the boy ; hi…**

**selena ; *stay quiet , just stay quiet, he will go away… eventually…***

**the boy ; um… hello?**

**Selena ; or not**

**The boy ; huh? What?**

**SELENAS P.O.V**

**Stupid stupid stupid…I just looked up at him with an emotionless face , that should work …shouldn't it?**

**The boy: uh are you alright?**

**Ok this is seriously not working for me is it? … URGH I just wanna speak to him but I know its to risky… why the heck me, WHY?**

**I just sat there staring at him wanting to thinking of so many questions I wanted so badly to ask him, but I couldn't, while I was pondering on random things I wanted to know or do with this boy I heard another boy calling someone from behind him.**

**His voice; nick…**

**The boy; um… well… I guess ill see you around then **

**It seemed like he didn't want to go , but had to? Wow strange …well for me might not be for you though… guys liking you all the time and stuff …yeah**

**The boy; coming joe… bye…um …yeah bye**

**Hum…I guess he' was trying to ask me for his name… one word… why?**

**I kinda like that name nick…yeah nick … oh no im starting to daydream about him, NO I cant put him in danger , I ,I ,I just cant…**

**NICKS P.O.V**

**Wow she was wow, as joe started to natter off about some blonde curly haired girl who has a twin (sorter sounds like a slut to me the way he is describing her, we have just moved hear and he has found somebody he liked, well I cant really talk I like that brown gorgeous brown eyed girl back in the cafeteria, she was wow I seem like im repeating myself somehow… oh well) anyway as for joe all I see is a mouth moving in front me now. I started to daydream about her, about her hair, eyes…actually everything about her, but then I remembered the look and the silence see gave me, why was that? Did I do something wrong? Im just wondering the look in her eyes was all pained and hurt it killed me inside to see her like that, I just wanna know whats wrong with her. And im gonna find out one way or another just you watch…**


	3. grades and pains

**Nicks p.o.v**

**I was in the middle of thinking when I heard Joe shout my name , I startled me abit**

**Joe: NICK!!**

**Nick: wha… huh? WHERES THE FIRE!!?? (okay it startled me A LOT)**

**Everyone one was staring at me , I heard joe laughing**

**Nick: FALSE ALARM SORRY!**

**I shouted to everyone, gosh how embarrassing **

**Nick: what do you want joe?**

**Joe: (still calming down from laughing) i… jus..t… HA that was hi..lar..i..ous **

**Nick: if you say so, back to the point, joe what did you want?**

**Joe: I was wondering if you had any ideas what I should do about it?**

**What the heck was he talking about?**

**Nick: what are you on about?**

**Joe: And obviously YOU wasn't listening, I cant be asked to explain it again ill talk to you later **

**Nick: k bye **

**He walked off, I was standing there thinking of what he could be on about , I shrugged and walk to class, I AM going to find out about that girl no matter what it takes**

**Selena's P.O.V**

**I got to class and miss handed out the test papers, (second day here and I got a test) **

**(A/N its her 3****rd**** day there) oh crap I got a D there gonna kill me. I felt a tap on my shoulder, I was still stunned at what I got what are they going to do to me now? I turn around to see that nick kid sitting behind me**

**Nick: hey again what did you get on your test?**

**I just showed him my paper I mean there's something about him I can just I dunno trust which is odd considering I don't trust anyone, I trusted him not to laugh or anything cause mainly if I get a bad grade or something and show someone they immediately laugh.**

**Nick: oh, um… I could tutor you if you like I got an A* **

**A* man he is smart, and cute, he is pretty handsome to. OH NO im doing it again I mentally slapped my head and got back to reality, he was staring at me waiting for an answer how long was I out? I just shook my head of course I wanted him to tutor me but its too dangerous. His small smile on his face dropped when he saw me shake my head to say no.**

**Nick: why not?**

**I just shrugged and turned back around ''oh …um…ok'' I heard him sadly say behind me.**

**Gosh why does this have to be so hard I can do it easily with everyone else why not him? Then I look back at my paper and saw D the bell rung saying we could go home, but my heart started to race oh no, what are they going to do when I got home? I walked out and heard nick sigh and say ''I don't even know her name'' that made me frown even more, a couple of minutes later I walked through the door and was about to go upstairs when…**

***SMACK* I felt a hand slap my face; I could already feel it burning my checks it was that hard.**

**Ashley: you little cow, you know who phoned me just now huh?**

**I shock my head 'no'**

**Ashley: it was your maths teacher YOU GOT A D DIDN'T YOU **

**I just stood there no matter what I did I knew it would only make the pain worse, he pushed me to the floor **

**Ashley: you stupid little brat, you did and what did I say not to do?**

**I sat their tears streaming down my face knowing what is going to happen next. He slapped me hard in the exact same place I heard someone laugh while I screamed as he repeatedly hit me, kicked me, and punched me everywhere possible.(I wonder how I am going to cover it up tomorrow?) I look over to see Taylor laughing her head off. as my eyes started to close I looked to the right of Taylor and there stood Chelsea just standing there with some sort of frown? I must be hallucinating was she feeling bad for her dad doing this to a 'loser'. As my eyes fully closed the last thing I heard was Taylor's voice saying ''ha ha dad that was great lets go grab a bite to eat you coming chels?'' ''Nah, you and dad go ill stay and watch TV or something'' **

''**Ok but your gonna miss out TTYL'' the door closed and I couldn't hear anything after that. I felt someone pick me up GENTLY wow im seriously going crazy since when was anyone gently with ME! I didn't know who it was but the placed me on my bed and I finally blacked out completely.**


	4. NICE!

**I woke up feeling light headed, I felt like I had no blood at all in my body I felt empty in some way… you confused? … good cause so am I. I sat up and immediately felt a excruciating pain through my body. What did Ashton do run over me with a double decker bus or something? I layed quickly back down. It sure as heck felt like it. I groaned in pain, I heard someone come through my bedroom door I cringed. Haven't I had enough pain already? I shut my eyes tight expecting the worse, I heard, ''it's alright im not going to hurt you and Taylor is out with dad again something to do with Taylor getting MORE shoes!! Anyway.. Yer it's okay.'' First thought: DAD!! Second: who the heck is it? and third: why is this person being I dunno NICE to ME! I opened my eyes slowly and saw CHELSEA!! Am I being punked, I think she saw my expression change when I thought that cause she sighed and said**

**Chelsea: I know I know, don't look at me like that, I know what your thinking why is it yesterday I was mean and today well nice?**

**Yup that exactly …**

**Chelsea: well… to be honest before you moved here five days ago (she went to school for four days the first day she unpacked and stuff) I was the one who was beaten I was the worthless one, I know how it feels selena and seeing my ''dad'' do that to you brings back memories I never want this to happen but I knew when dad saw you in the foster home something was going to happen and the week where the social worker was seeing how things went I knew something was terribly up I mean he didn't hit me once the it hit me he was planning on hurting you because it started to everyone at school started to get suspicious because of my bruises and that but he feels with you he doesn't have to worry cause no one knows we are your foster family, I really wanna make it up to you is there any way I could do that?**

**I was speechless …. I mean … WOW did she just say what I think she just said she was hit and beaten, holy moly wow and now she wants to make up for what her dad did to me that's just simply WOW **

**Selena: =O**

**Chelsea: I know hard to believe huh?**

**I just nodded with my mouth still hanging open **

**Chelsea: so … can I help you in anyway **

**Selena: um, but what did you do there's nothing you did wrong and I don't know there is this guy….**

**I said trailing off at the end**

**Chelsea: um well taylor made me tell on you the second time for doing nothing wrong but she said if I didn't make something up shell get dad to hit me again im so so so sorry , and a guy ? do you like this guy?**

**I nodded**

**Selena: but remember im not aloud to talked to him or anything let alone be friends with him im even supposed to be talking right now**

**Chelsea: I know im sorry and ive got good news though taylor and dad are going to England to get some seriously expensive shoes (under her breath ''spoilt brat'') so they be gone for three days so that gives you time to talk to him and stuff I wont tell I promise **

**I smiled I felt like she was telling the truth I tried to get up and hug her but the pain came shooting back**

**Selena: ssss ow **

**Chelsea held me down**

**Chelsea: ill go get you some pain killers hold on layed there waiting for about 1min and she was back already must've ran or something**

**Chelsea: I've got a stash of medications that no one knows about, apart from you know **

**She smiled and put a load of stuff on my body **

**Chelsea: now try get up, selena**

**I did what she said, are you serious I cant feel that much pain anymore but I can still feel abit but that was fine I can deal with that**

**Selena: wow that's amazing how did you do that and call me sel or selly well not around the others though they get suspicious **

**Chelsea: practice and ok , right lets get ready for school and you can tell me more about the ''guy'' ill drive you **

**Selena: ok and thank you for everything **

**Chelsea: my pleasure**

**She walked out and I got changed into jeans a top and a hoodie to cover the bruises and make up to cover the hand mark that was still visible**

**We got in chelsea's car and started to drive to school**

**Chelsea: sooo tell me about this guy**

**I told her everything I knew about nick and his name (obviously) what I liked about him and pretty much everything the car come to a stop we were early because if everyone knew Chelsea was part of my foster family they would know Taylor was too. So we didn't want to risk it**

**Chelsea: here we are, now go find nick and talk to him go …**

**She said pretty much forcing me to go, I opened the car door and took a deep breath**

**Selena: this is it **

**I whispered as I breathed out.**


	5. caught red handed!

**Selena's POV**

**I stepped into the hallway which was noisy as ever but I couldn't hear a thing I was to busy thinking about what to say, how about ''Hi, im selena um so nick how are you?''**

**NOPE he'd probably think im a stalker or something because I know his name. **

**I was about to think of some more things but I ran out of time cause I was already in the library and he was sitting right there, I think reading * well what else it is a library after all* I stood in front of him and he looked up to me, the look on his face said it all ''uhhh…. Why is she here?'' I started speaking almost in a whisper**

**Selena: uh hi….**

**Nick: hey um….**

**Selena: selena **

**Nick: oh, that's a pretty name uh why didn't you speak to me yesterday?**

**And bang! He hits the question I was trying to avoid!! I just thought of something fast but true (in a way)**

**Selena: I was uhh… upset about something that's all sorry**

**Nick: nah its ok, im nick by the way **

**I nodded, he stood up and looked me in the eye again.**

**Nick: are you sure your not hiding something.**

**I spoke a little too fast.**

**Selena: HA me hiding something are you crazy, well uhh bye!!!**

**I turned around, only to be turned back around by nick grabbing my arm, it gave me a memory of dad when he did it, I pulled my arm away and looked down I knew I was gonna cry I just knew it.**

**Nick: selena, whats wrong please tell me.**

**He lifted my head up with his finger and I had tears in my eyes. **

**Nick: selena….**

**Selena: nick I cant tell you, so just drop it ok ?**

**Nick: but….**

**Selena: No buts nick…please… ill see you in class **

**With that I ran out of the library hearing nick calling my name as I left. WHY THE HECK ME!!! I ran to the toilets and sat in the corner no one was in there so it was alright I pulled my bag off my shoulders and pulled out the razor I kept in there, I pulled up my sleeves and place the razor onto my wrist, I slowly dragged the razor across it watching as the blood dripped onto the floor it hurt like hell but nothing compares to the pain I go though everyday wondering if im gonna get hit or the fact that I cant even have ONE friend to comfort me. I heard someone whisper my name in a croaky voice like they were crying.**

**????: selena?????**

**I looked up, ???? had tears in their eyes, there eyes were focused on my wrists I pulled the razor away and watch as the blood poured out of the fresh scar, **

**????: why selena?? Why??? **

**I closed my eyes shut as I felt more pain in my heart, why did I feel even more pain watching ???? crying and hurting because of me? I got up and turned on the tap I placed my wrist underneath it and watched and the blood rushed down the sink. I dried my arm, a little bit of blood was still coming out of it but I covered it with my top, I washed the blade an picked up my bag, I was just about to put it in there when I heard.**

**???: don't….. just don't …. Selena why are you doing this??? **

**should I tell them, can I really trust them, if I do would anyone find out???? I looked towards them and started to speak…**


	6. the question

**authors POV**

**Selena: you can NOT tell any one!!!**

**???: And why the heck not you cant keep doing this to yourself**

**selena looked down for a few seconds then her head shot up in hatred, not for anyone but herself, she hated what she become she hated doing this to herself but it's the only way to get rid of the pain- or so she thought.**

**Selena: and what are you going to do about it, nick, HUH???**

**More tears dripped from their faces as nick spoke up again.**

**Nick: please selena, you have got to stop…. Please**

**Selena: nick answer me one question, and only THEN will I stop…**

**Nick at first thought the idea was a bit stupid, but he knew he would do anything for this girl, he didn't know why but he had never felt this felt way about anyone he wasn't sure what it was but seeing her hurting herself like this killed him inside…**

**Nick: okay, whats the question…**

**Selena: what good is life if you have no one to live for? Answer me that and I will stop doing this to my self**

**Nick thought hard, but failed badly, selena was good at trick questions only he didn't know this was one, see on selena's mind this wasn't a question at all, all it was is asking him if he cared for her and wanting him to hold her in her arms and tell her he'll always be there for her, through thick and thin, or all he had to do was just simply say, you do have someone to live for, me…. **

**Nick: selena…. I…..**

**Selena knew that he wasn't going to answer at least not with the right answer he probably didn't know the answer anyway, she put the blade back in her bag and shove it on her shoulders, she didn't bother wiping the tears freshly falling down her face instead she looked at a pain filled nick and walked out without another word. **

**Nick called for selena begging for her to come back, but selena kept on running, nick ran his fingers through his hair and walked toward the school doors, and walked out he really didn't want to deal with this pain he was feeling inside, while he was he school, he wanted to be alone just as selena did. Endless questions kept running through his head begging him for answers he himself couldn't answer, like **

**Why would she want to do this to herself?**

**Why does my heart hurt so much?**

**Will she ever forgive me?**

**The questions kept on coming, spinning in never ending circles in his head trying to figure out some of the answers he was looking for only made his head throb in pain, he couldn't take it anymore, he NEEDED to get away just for a little while for some peace and quiet, he stopped at the local park, the place he and his mum always went always spent time together, he sat son the swing in the deserted park and started swaying in time with the wind, it has been so long since he went there, ever since his mum died in a car crash a year ago everything hadn't seemed to go anywhere near good, his brothers hardly ever notice him anymore, his dads never home, he lost his friends due to his change of attitude… depression, sadness, helplessness…. That's all he needed was a friend someone who could care for him, someone who would be there through thick and thin, he stood up in shock at what he just thought, its amazing how a little time alone can make think of the most remarkable things, he knew the answer to selena's question something he would never of thought of if he hadn't come to his mums and his spot, he looked up to the sky above and said…**

**Nick: thank you mum, I owe you one, I love you and miss you dearly… **

**With that he blew a kiss to the sky feeling the wind hit him softly one more time and ran off to find selena, he have to get there fast though as selena was about to do something she could forever regret…**


	7. i love you

**Selena's POV **

**This is it the time I let go of all the pain the time I meet with my mum once again, but there was just one thing running through my mind, am I being selfish?? I mean DOES anybody care for me? will anyone actually miss me? I got flash backs of my mum, dad, taylor, Chelsea and the rest of my foster family, all the times they hit me the times they actually helped me, the pain was too much then I suddenly remembered nick, and the pain increased inside of me. I brought both of my hands to the newly sharpened knife, gripping hold of it tight lightly I pulled it away from me in aim of heart…**

**Nicks POV**

**Where the heck could she be…. I searched pretty much everywhere!!! Hmmm, where's a quiet peaceful place hardly anyone goes…. Woah woah wait hold the phone, press pause, do SOMETHING!!! I think I know where she might be… I ran to the seashore near the rocks and went over some hearing ''this is it, goodbye world….'' I looked to the corner and saw selena just about to plunge a knife through her heart…**

**More pain rippled through my body my knees went weak,**

**Nick: SELEENAAAAA!!!! **

**I jumped I pushed her over I felt I sharp pain in my arm as I put it over her covering her heart to protect her. **

**Nick: AHHHHHHHHHH!!! **

**I cried out in pain, I held in a breath to keep myself from screaming out again, I looked down at selena with tears in my eyes glad that I found her in time and sad she even TRY to do something like that… I sat up next to her and pulled her into my shoulder we were both crying are eyes out I didn't know if she actually wanted to be hugged but she hugged me back just as tight as I was anyway…**

**I pulled back trying to hold in another pain filled scream… I looked selena in her eyes tears flowing down her perfect soft checks violently as were mine. **

**Nick: Why selena why??**

**Selena: because….**

**Nick: because is a word NOT an answer…**

**Selena: you wouldn't understand**

**Nick: try me…**

**Selena: why do you care anyway?**

**Nick: that's the thing I do care selena, I didn't say it before because I myself didn't know, but now I do, selena…. I…. I love you…**

**Wow that was a hard one to get out but it was all truth im just glad I got here in time, selena looked down tears still dripping down both of our faces, I needed to know what she was thinking I just did…**

**Nick: selena… say something….please?**

**She looked up and looked me dead in the eye, I saw all the pain in her eyes not just emotional pain but I saw physical pain I ont know how but I did… I wiped the tears from my eyes still holding selena as more fell down my face I tried wiping selenas tears away as well but more dripped down her face too. She finally started to speak…please don't be anything bad….please….**

**Selena: ………………………**


End file.
